The hardest days are supposed to be behind me now. I finished five months of chemo, a unilateral skin sparing mastectomy with expander reconstruction, five weeks of daily radiation, and menopause. It’s been a busy year for sure. Not to mention, being a mom, and hockey coach.
Unfortunately, yesterday made all of those things which sound horrible enough in themselves feel like a cakewalk.
I was on the verge of tears for 99% of the day. I was not sad, I was not upset, just had these tears in my eyes that were on the verge of breaking the damn at any moment. I was extremely worried that the dam would burst at the most inopportune time, luckily it did not. I held it together.
I am pretty sure that the lack of hormones in my body took over yesterday. I am going to talk to my doctor at my next visit about whether or not the menopause could be wreaking havoc on my antidepressants. Sure felt like it yesterday. Add on to that the hot flashes and then ice cube flashes…it was not pretty for most of the day.
Last night we had hockey practice…week two…oh my. I am so grateful for hockey practices. I see my boys (they are at dad’s this week), I get some exercise, I feel wanted and needed, and cancer does not exist from the time we pull up to the rink until after, sometimes many hours after, we leave the ice.
A few parents had some questions, and I don’t mind answering them. I love sharing how awesomely we rocked and kicked cancer’s butt. It doesn’t bring me down to share. It reaffirms just how awesome I am.
Two sets of parents were asking questions last night and they were not shy about how thankful they were that I was coaching their kids and how they admire whatever it was that kept me coming back every week and getting out on the ice day after day.
I told them THEY made it possible, their kids made it possible. I didn’t do this alone. Knowing that I could help their kids fall in love with hockey…that’s why I did it. I didn’t do it for me; I did it for the kids. Enjoying every minute of it was just a side effect!
B2 moved up a level this year to Mites. Most of the kids I coached last year are still in Mini-Mites. Last night was the first night of Mini-Mite practice. It was right after our practice so I stayed to help out (boys weren’t home anyway so why not).
I got so many hugs from last year’s kids…it was awesome. I went around with a roll of tape putting names on helmets (very hard for coaches when you have so many kids to learn names and you only see them a couple hours a week). One little boy from last year followed me around most of the practice (it was pretty much just a free skate). I am so blessed.
B1 starts bowling this weekend. He is excited to get back at it. Has also been matched through the Little Brother/Little Sister program; they will start their activities next week. I enrolled him in hopes of helping him gain some independence from being B2’s caretaker (as he is at Dad’s house) and to introduce him to activities that he wouldn’t otherwise get a chance to do. His Big Brother match is going to be an awesome fit…I see shenanigans in my future with this pair! The match that was picked for him is the husband to a friend of mine from church (we initially met at church but now are good friends). Having a positive role model for him that he will see on a regular basis and hopefully form a lasting bond with is going to be huge for him. I’m excited to watch him grow. He will be 11 in December. Boy 2 will be 8 in November.
My little Mama’s Boy (B2) is so funny…he has this awesome jock and tough guy attitude right? Well, then at hockey practice when he gets to my station he has to hug me…lol yep, that’s my tough guy.