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Difficult Day

Tuesday was a difficult day for me. I did not sleep well on Monday night, which is not common. I NEED my sleep. I am one of those people who cannot function on less than eight or nine hours. I guess I can function, but it’s not pretty.

I am tired, I am hungry, I am lonley. All the things which do their best to run me in to the ditch. I know I am not eating enough, I also know that I am saving every penny so I can afford to stay in the hotel I am staying in. I understand food is a necessity, so is having a roof over my head so I can have a place to bring my boys in two weeks to visit. I also need to have money to feed them when I do have them. Some days I need to choose, and it’s never an easy decision. I eat breakfast at work everyday and then grab a peice of fruit before heading out at the end of the day. This way a handfull of crackers is enough to get me through the night.

I am trying to work more hours without burning myself out. I know I still need time for me, time to process, time to live.

The stress of my current situation is taking a toll on me. My savings are drained, I have to spend at least three more weeks before I can move in to my apartment, and I miss my kids. I know I just saw them, I know I will see them on Thursday when I have the day off work and will be spending the day with Boy 2 at school. None of this calms my mom heart when I am hurting.

I need to remember that this is only a blink of time in the grand scheme of things.; that I am living out some of my worst fears and it’s really not that bad.

This post is extremely random…I appologize for that.


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