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Be Careful

I am always telling people to be careful what they wish for because they just might get it. The Alanis Morissette song Ironic comes to mind and here is an excerpt of the lyrics:

An old man turned ninety-eight
He won the lottery and died the next day

It’s a death row pardon two minutes too late
And isn’t it ironic… don’t you think

It’s like rain on your wedding day
It’s a free ride when you’ve already paid

Mr. Play It Safe was afraid to fly
He packed his suitcase and kissed his kids goodbye
He waited his whole damn life to take that flight
And as the plane crashed down he thought
“Well isn’t this nice…”
And isn’t it ironic… don’t you think

And life has a funny way of helping you out when
You think everything’s gone wrong and everything blows up
In your face

A traffic jam when you’re already late
A no-smoking sign on your cigarette break

It’s meeting the man of my dreams
And then meeting his beautiful wife

I am shocked when people get exactly what they ask for and then try to change the request to fit their desires after their request has been filled. My mindset is very different from so many. A free ride when you’ve already paid…GREAT for those that got on for free. I had expected to pay for the ride, it is not my decision who pays and who doesn’t, why should it bother me who does or does not pay.

My soon-to-be ex is the petitioner in this divorce. This was his idea, his doing. When I got married, it was forever. We have both made enough mistakes to choke a horse but nothing was ever so bad that it couldn’t be fixed.

This is the second time he has filed for divorce and when he brought it up two years ago I said he’d better be sure because I was NOT going to put my kids through the uncertainty every few years of their parents separating. If he filed again there was no turning back. Do I believe the marriage could be saved, definitely. (Even still with everything that has been said and done). Am I interested in trying, not a chance. I have wasted enough time being unhappy with myself, trying to the person he expected me to be.

I was not upset when the divorce was filed because to me it meant freedom. It meant that I could be me again. I wouldn’t be bound for the rest of my life trying to be somebody I was not just to make him happy. The only person I had to worry about making happy now, was me. I don’t worry about making my kids happy, my job is to lead by example. to ask forgiveness when I mess up, to say I’m sorry when I’m wrong, to love without strings attached. When they experience happiness, they are happy.

“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough” ~ Oprah Winfrey

Several times the ex has told me that he regrets filing, that he still loves me, that he knows he screwed up. These ramblings almost always precede a request for sex. When I refused, he would return to the angry, bitter, vengeful person he has become. It’s too bad that he takes his mistakes out on our children now. They didn’t ask for this divorce. They didn’t ask him to disrespect me, to rally all his friends and family against me, they didn’t ask to have their lives destroyed by his pride.

My being happy seems to have sent him over the deep end. Unfortunately, this does not surprise me. He wanted me gone, I’m gone. What I choose to do with my life from that point forward is none of his concern. His claims that he worries about me, he loves me, etc fall on deaf ears as they are merely hollow words that have come to mean nothing from him.

He is getting what he wanted, the fact that I am at peace should not be any concern of his and it shouldn’t be a reason for him to vilify me to the children. If you are not ready for the other party to accept your decision at face value, you are not ready to make a decision. I had asked him to put off filing for divorce until he had examined every possible avenue. The opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference.

One thought on “Be Careful

  1. Pingback: The Suitcase Kid | Peter J Verdil

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