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My Heart

This is something I wrote some time ago…but with everything going on right now, it needed repeating.

I often think my heart is my biggest weakness. I tend to hand it out to whoever wants it (and sometimes even to those who don’t). I know I am going to get hurt when I do this, but I just can’t stop myself.

When I receive kind words, encouragement, hugs, time, and understanding the reward is worth the risk. When I am shunned, doubted, and blown off I wonder if I will ever learn.

There are times when I can hide deep within myself…but not often. I like to think I am good at it, but my head knows I suck at it! I would not be me if my heart was placed in a box and let out only for certain people at certain times.

I tend to love people with my whole heart. Love is like a candle flame, lighting another candle does not extinguish the first, it only increases the light in the room. The more people I love, the brighter the world is.

When my heart is broken, it hurts as deeply as it loves. I have never once regretted falling in love. I often try to tell my heart to ‘stay out of it’ when it

I have no problem forgiving people for their misdeeds. Forgiveness does not give them a clean slate to do it all over again though. It gives them an opportunity to hopefully see what they have done and to not do it again to somebody else.

Of course none of this applies to my children…they hurt my heart often with unkind words…and will continue to do so as they grow. I know I did it. I can only imagine how my mom’s heart ached when we were growing up. She did the best she could with what she had to work with and still…I was an AWFUL teenager. I was an angry teenager…I was mean to her. She never stopped loving me though.

When I was in my twenties I called my parents house and my dad (my step-father who raised me) answered the phone…I said, “Dad, I just called to say I am sorry.” When he asked what I had done ‘this time’ I simply responded, “For 1989-1992.” He laughed at me and said something about paybacks.

He was right, I was being paid back. My daughter is exactly like her mother in so many ways, but I don’t think she is as cruel as I was. I remember once my mother saying, “I hope you have kids just like you.”

Know-it-all that I was, I told her that at least mine would LIKE me…little did I know!! lol

I know my daughter loves me and knows I love her, I know my boys know I love them and I know they love me. As far as my step-children I can only hope and pray that they know I had no idea what I was doing as a step-parent…and that I really do love them. I loved them the first time I met them and that has NEVER changed.

So there is my heart…wide open…all five of my kids ARE my heart. My four angels are the blanket my heart sleeps in.

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