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Another Day

My trip yesterday was a good one. The group I spoke to was the smallest I’d ever had. There were 14 patients and we sat in a circle and there was a little more interaction than usual so it was nice.

A big part of yesterday’s talk was about letting go of the things that weigh you down, guilt, anger, resentments, etc. I talked of how my life became so much simpler when I learned to forgive not only those who have wronged me but also to forgive myself.

I also talked about how some of my resentments were misplaced on others; for a long time I was angry at my soon-to-be-ex-husband for the person I had become. I changed so much to fit in with his family, his friends, his life over the years of our marriage that I came to hate myself. Changing my perception on the situation was extremely difficult because it left only me to be disappointed in. Nobody can force you to change your values, your morals, your life goals and nobody can be help responsible when you make changes you aren’t happy with.

I learned that I had to forgive him for these perceived wrongs, and to forgive myself for being angry with him. I learned that I was disappointed with and angry at myself. The only way to let go of those hurts and hang-ups was to deal with them head on; which I did.

I got to visit my daughter for about half an hour. She looks well. She has a lot of very tough work ahead of her. She understands this, but until she is dealing with it outside of the safety of the hospital it won’t become clear just how difficult it is. I am so very worried for her.

Unfortunately I do not think this is going to be her only inpatient treatment. Thankfully I am years ahead of her in the experience department on this one so I can guide her. Pray for my girl, for her brothers, for her parents.

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