Yesterday the Pastor at the church I attended spoke of learning to accept God’s timing. Thankfully, I am much more laid back than I ever was. I never used to have patience, tolerance, grace. I have been freed from the clutches of ‘right here, right now’ thinking.
I have said in the past that I am on the path God has planned for me, my job is to write on the walls and leave my mark as I go.
I am learning to live with intention. When I think about how I want to be remembered, I think of how passively I have lived most of the last 13 years and how different I want the rest of my life to be.
My first challenge is to stop worrying about how others perceive me, what they think of me, how they feel about me. Not always easy for me. Thankfully my psychologist hit this nail on the head during one of our first visits and has been challenging me ever since.
She asks me frequently, “What would you be doing today if you could be doing anything you wanted to do.”
Well, would you believe that lying on a beach with a drink in my hand is NOT my first thought?
I have so many aspirations, and only one of them is being fulfilled by writing this blog. Here are a few dreams I’ve had over the years:
- Mechanic for a NASCAR team
- Public Speaker
- Fire Fighter
- Disaster Assistance
Most of these I could still accomplish, my first college degree was a two year Automotive Technician diploma…I know cars. Being a woman could open many ‘affirmative action’ doors but that has always been a bit of a turn off for me. I want a job based on my ability, not based on the fact that I wipe when I pee. Unfortunately, I never even gave myself the option.
I’m not quite forty, many people start new careers at this age. Although I’m not a huge fan of school, I could return to school and see where it takes me. I should at least get my bachelor’s degree, all I have is an associates (2 year) degree. I don’t need a masters or a Ph.D. (but it wouldn’t hurt).
I think as I begin to live each day with intention, which is much more challenging than it sounds, my life will go where it is meant to go. In God’s time, things will become clear. It may never be a lightning bolt moment where it hits me THIS is what I am supposed to be doing, I am guessing it will be more like my path will lead me towards that destination, fulfilling my purpose and reaching my goals in God’s time.