Not the kind of park you are thinking of…
I just finished my talk for today and I knocked it out of the park. There were 24 patients today and every one of them was engaged and responsive. Today was also the first time I felt my hour melt away.
I had gone there today expecting a small group again as I had last week and for most of the same patients. My plan was to talk about expectaions. What they could expect during early recovery and what others may expect of them. I was going to talk about how one of the best ways to stay well was to stop caring what others thought…
While I was driving down (126 miles gives much time for thought, planning and relection) I decided that I needed to hit on patient education. I made a rough outline of what they needed to take responsibility for during their own recovery.
When I walked in, I was greeted by a crowd nearly twice the size of last week and only five or six of them from the previous week. Patient education was going to be a great idea.
…as I’m typing this, I just recieved a text from the ex…Boy 1 has a concert in an hour and a half…the first I’ve been told of this…I am THREE HOURS away. If I had known ahead of time, I would have been able to leave Fargo as soon as I was done my talk and made it back in time for the concert…now, it is too late. I am disappointed, I am worried about the message this will send to Boy 1…my child who needs all the reassurance and love that can be handed right now…and Mom is missing his year end concert.
My ‘old brain’ wants to blame the ex…say that this is just his way of manipulating me out of their lives…but I can’t know that for sure…for all I know it was a simple oversight. I cannot read his mind and cannot decide what his motives are…I’d LIKE to…but I can’t.
So right now…I will accept the things I cannot change…I cannot make the concert; because I have the wisdom to know that I cannot change this one. My heart hurts. myhearthurts
Now I need to decide if I can finish my earlier post, or do I throw in the towel for today and just head home.
I’m in tears now…
I am not going to sit in a book store and cry as I write…it will not get me anywhere. Instead, I am going to wander the store for a little while as I clear my head, and then go home.
I still did great today, I will not let this overshadow my awesome job earlier today…I ROCK.
Dear Boy 1,
I am sorry that I can’t be at your concert tonight. I was unaware that it was tonight and I am too far away to make it back there in time. I will make sure that Daddy records it for me so I can still see your performance. I can’t wait to watch it with you.
It is not your fault that I am not there, it is nobody’s fault. Sometimes just mom gets to be at stuff and sometimes just dad, and sometimes both of us. I love you more than summer.
What I would say if he were here right now..
Love you Bubba…