One thing I have been working on with my therapist is to overcome my self-imposed limitations based on others perceived perception of me…if that makes sense. She sees in me great gifts, I see them as well…I just don’t know how or where to cultivate them.
I have wonderful insight, the gift of gab (it’s a blessing/it’s a curse), I have a mind that remains open enough not only to listen to other peoples thoughts, but to understand them, the ability to put myself in their shoes.
I can meet people where they are, I can guide them, I can help to open their minds to things they, at one time, would never consider. I have opened my own mind to so much in the last few years. I am not anywhere close to the person I had become in my marriage.
I am very much the person I was when I got married, yet more refined, more accepting, more supportive, more calculating…I don’t like that word…makes me sound like I’m trying to get one over on somebody when that is not my intention at all.
I’m learning how to pick my battles in life. I don’t always pick the right ones…but I try. I try to weigh all my options, look at how this will look a week down the road, a month, a year…even ten or twenty years down the road.
Right now I know I am biding my time until the divorce is final, I am waiting to make some pretty big life choices until I see the hand I am dealing with. I understand I have spent a majority of the last two years biding my time, but at least now I know that the end is near.
Our divorce trial is set for September. Everything will be settled at that time. I will be free to move on to the next phase of my life, knowing I gave this phase my all, that I gave it everything I had.
One of the problems I am facing though is, which direction do I want to go, and time is running out to make up my mind. After September it is going to be ‘balls to the wall’ in my life, which ever direction it is headed, I just think I need to have some direction in mind, because there is really only one factor that will decide the next chapter of my life and that is whether or not the children live with me full time. Who gets the house, or how much debt I get stuck with matters little. Only where my children will spend the majority of their time and I believe that it is in their best interests that they reside with me. I will advocate for them to the best of my ability to ensure that their needs are met.