Dear The Man of My Dreams;
I know one day we will meet. Although I’m hoping it will be fireworks and love at first sight, I’m much too afraid of how that ends to even let myself believe that to be possible anymore. Please, if you see the fireworks, stop pointing at them, stop trying to show me how wonderful they are, stop talking about them…I’ll acknowledge them when I can no longer ignore them. Please be patient.
I look forward to building a relationship with you…and as sure as I want that to happen; I am also scared silly. I had forever once and it didn’t end well. I want forever again. I am not interested in serial dating…I don’t have the time, energy, or courage to even attempt that. If you aren’t interested in a long term commitment, please don’t waste my time.
I have kids, they mean the world to me. I would give my life for them without a second of hesitation. I don’t know if you have kids or not; if you can’t understand this we are not a match. I don’t know when you will actually get to meet my kids, but you will definitely hear about them often. You will come to know them long before you meet them, I will openly share every aspect of our lives with you…when you finally meet them, you will have no doubts who is who and you will giggle at the accuracy of my descriptions of their personalities. You will love them long before you meet them.
You will also become a co-parent in their lives. This is the only way to give kids the stability they need to become independent adults. You will have to deal with their father on a respectful level at all costs. I will not tolerate you belittling or vilifying him in any manner to the boys. As much as he sets himself, it is not for us to judge…he will pay the price for his sins in God’s time.
Speaking of God, it is my sincere hope that you attend church services with us regularly. My faith brings me such comfort that I would like to share that with you.
I’m am not a financial wizard by any stretch of the imagination, but I like to live within my means. If you have not figured out how to do this in your own life yet, we are not compatible. I have no problem with delayed gratification when it comes to buying things or doing things. I have no problem being a homebody to save up for an amazing trip or wanted item. If you have the resources to pay for those things, great. If not, what sacrifices are you willing to make to your lifestyle or hobbies to attain that which you want? If you have more ‘means’ than I do, we compromise…we compromise about a lot of things. That’s what makes us work…we grow as a pair.
Your family, is close knit and crazy…love them dearly but damn you drive each other insane, and you all know it. The relationships are healthy and have appropriate boundaries. They are okay with, and don’t try to guilt trip you into spending every holiday with them. I’d really like to be able to make some of our own traditions as well as fitting in time with both of our families. It is my hope, and expectation, that your family will embrace my kids as you do.
I know this is a very basic outline…we can fill it in as we go. Like writing a novel, start with a basic outline, fill in the details as you go.