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Insight

Yesterday I caught a glimpse in to the concerns of Boy 1. What a very scared little man I have. Both boys are with me now in my apartment and they eagerly help to continue settling in. Boy 1 wants to know where I will live when I am finished living in the apartment. He thinks everybody belongs in a house. As a single woman, I disagree.

If I lived in a house I would have to start dating. Oh come on…we all know I’m not going to be the one shoveling the walk or cutting the grass, the boys aren’t always going to be around to do it for me…SOMEBODY has to do it…ya, I’ll stay in my apartment for now.

So, we were having a discussion about where he thinks I should live when I am finished living in my apartment. I told him that I was going to go live by the Mall of America. I felt like such an ass the minute I said it…his face distorted into a panic that I have not seen in a while.

Here I was, trying to think of some place that would be seen as fun…the tears filled his eyes, “You can’t live there mom, it’s too far away.” *facepalm* Way to go, Mom…you just put fear in to the heart of the one kid who needs the most reassurance in the entire world. I said I’m not going anywhere right now, and no matter where I live, we will always have each other.

The reality is that I will not be staying in this area forever. I hate it here. I can’t be the person I want to be by staying here. Of course where I go or how far I go is all up in the air until this divorce is final and custody and visitation are settled. Until there are a few more crinkles worked out though, I won’t worry about it…and I will remember to watch my mouth when it comes to joking about relocating…

Oh my poor boys…how I wish I could make this all better for you.

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