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Fire

Behind my eyes there is a fire

That nobody can see

The fire that leaves many scars

That only I can see.

The tears have left a canyon

Between my brain and heart

Leaving me to sort out where

one ends and the other starts.

Ya, okay…I can’t do this…the thought is in my head..it starts something like that then…damn I wish for better for my kids. I’m tired of hearing how resilient kids are, how they will be okay. I want them to be okay NOW…not when this is over. Why the fuck should they have to struggle through something they never wanted to be a part of?? This isn’t THEIR struggle, it’s not THEIR fault…why are THEY left paying the bill?

FUCK YOU ex…one day  you will wake up and wonder why these kids don’t want to be around you. Of course you will blame it on me…and that’s fine, I have big shoulders. Your insecurities and bullshit no longer matter to me. I know, in the deepest part of my heart, in the dark spot in my soul that has no feelings for you…that I am doing my best to encourage the children to love you…they are mere words…they matter little next to your actions. My words do not trump your actions. Just as your words do not trump my actions when you tell them everything is my fault. They know me, they trust me, the believe in me; can you say the same? I didn’t think so. Oh, maybe right now you can still convince yourself of that…but for how long. These boys won’t be little for much longer…and they see through you. I cannot stop them from understanding the truth. I can only give them the tools to express themselves…I’m afraid you aren’t going to like it even one bit.

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