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I really am struggling lately. The boys are doing wonderfully. What started out as “four days to a week” of them staying with me has turned into a minimum of two weeks and most likely longer. They have settled in nicely to our living situation and are doing great. B1 spent two days last week at Safety Camp and B2…well, he’s B2. He’s lucky he’s cute AND funny! 

Their father is still at the Mayo Clinic with his mom. Her cancer has been staged as a stage 1 cancer. Apparently the doctors and surgeons are super shocked to see this as it is a cancer that is rarely discovered this early and the prognosis is not well past stage 1. They will do a surgery to remove her entire stomach plus a part of her esophagus. They could have waited for a week and gone back for the surgery on June 17; instead they opted to stay and have it done today (June 10). While this would have given the ex time to come home and reassure his boys…he has decided it better to be gone for an extended period and to just continue to push back his ‘return’ date.

If you have children, you can imagine the heart break every time they hear, “Well, it’ll be a few more days…” Now it’s up to at least another week. While he posts of Facebook about a relaxing weekend in Minneapolis with friends and golfing…his priorities…

My internal struggle has been with trying to wrap my head around the fact that he can just come and go like the wind and leave the children in his dust? How is this in ANY way providing them with a stable living environment? 

He begged and pleaded and convinced the judge that I was an unfit mother…that he deserved to be the primary caregiver for these young boys. How then, does he justify (even to himself) to leave them with me for an undetermined period…if I am so unfit…how…why???

I just can’t wrap my head around this one. I just can’t. I know worrying about it, fretting about it doesn’t change anything. 

Also in the last week I was served notice that he is taking me back to court to amend the temporary order currently in place. He is arguing that he should not have to pay me spousal maintenance. He was ordered to pay me $500/month beginning April 1. To date he hasn’t paid anything. I am not surprised to be getting this notice. I am thankful to not have to wait until September to get back in front of the judge. I am hoping the judge will see what a vindictive manipulative man we are dealing with. I have kept track of phone calls, visits, denials of visits…his ultimate lack of fostering a relationship between me and the kids, the lack of stability in his parenting.

I took nearly a week to respond to my lawyer regarding the motion. I wanted to not go nuts trying to prove I’m not nuts…if you know what I mean. I responded with five pages of evidence-based fact. Hopefully, this will allow the judge to see what I am trying to deal with as I provide the best life I can for the boys.

Our court date is July 2. Please, please pray that my children’s best interests are met. I think I know what their best interests are, and so does their father. So, I only ask  you to pray not for a victory for myself or him, only for our children, and their futures. This isn’t about winning, it is about giving these kids a fighting chance at a happy future.

I will keep trying to write…but this one definitely has my brain in knots. 



2 thoughts on “Struggling

  1. I can relate to trying to rationalize irrational behavior. It would be very easy to let anger brew over this one !!
    To say it is a blessing and enjoy the time you have with your children would be cruel. But the fact as I see it is that truth is never relative. They will always be found out by their own nature. There is nothing we need to do to this end except hold on for dear life. It’s a bumpy ride.
    You are never alone !!
    Youll never know the people you touch in sharing. But never stop.

  2. You are right…everybody says, “But be happy you have the boys.” Yes, but this is not thier life…and they will have to return to the other life…this is a mere mirage in their lives right now. I SHOULD have my boys every damn day…not just as it suits his fancy so he can come and go like the wind. The hardest part is not knowing HOW LONG I have them. We do what we can in the time that we have…but we are all aware that it is limited, and that it will come to an end much too soon…then what…they have built friendships, learned lessons, so much more than they will ever do under his roof…and we are enjoying every minute we can…

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