Last night it hit me…my boys could be returning to their other home in another day or two…then what? What am I supposed to do?
I was so distraught in the middle of the night last night I could not stop the tears…4:00am and I’m crying my eyes out…my heart breaking for what these boys have already been through and the turmoil they face in the days and weeks ahead. Kids deserve and need stability. They are not getting that at their other home.
My heart is broken with anticipatory grieving…their going back to their other home will be felt in every aspect of my life…getting up, after work, making supper, going to bed, laundry, going pee alone, showering without interruption, grocery shopping, watching TV, using my laptop without a child hovering patiently waiting for his turn…every aspect. HAHA…patiently; that’s funny.
Yes, I know they will be back…but I’ve had them, and nurtured them, and been there for them. These kids have been my world since the moment they were conceived. Right now I feel as if they are ripped from my body, my heart…yet I know they are always with me, and I with them.
It’s going to be a bumpy ride this next few days…buckle up…and pray.