Several times lately B1 has suggested several men for the position of my next husband, “Mom, that guy can be your new husband…” Funnier than heck.
I’ve dated two men somewhat seriously over the last year (as serious as you can under the circumstances). With both of these men I was extremely honest as far as what they may be faced with moving forward with my kids.
I made it clear that I would only move forward if they were interested in becoming co-parents to my children…although I cannot see the future, I said their role could range from parenting partner/male role model to full time (and possibly adoptive) dad. As my ex continues to prove, these children are not his priority, I’m guessing as things move forward, he will eventually remove himself from their lives nearly completely as it takes a lot of work to maintain ANY relationship; to nurture and grow a relationship with a child when you are caught up in anger and hate towards the person who is raising them is nearly impossible. It takes a sacrifice like no other to be an engaged parent when you don’t live full time with your child.
The first man never met my children. Not that he wasn’t interested in the ‘job description’ before him, the timing was just not right for he and I. The second man met my children briefly only by coincidence when he and I first met. My daughter still remembers him fondly and my boys only remember him as one of many people they were introduced to as part of the group he was part of. He and I were not dating at that time.
The thought of introducing my children to a romantic interest scares the hell out of me. With as broken as my boys are right now, I see two potential outcomes.
- The boys love and accept him and begin to build a solid relationship.
- The boys see an intruder…and treat him as such.
Of course option 1 is a pretty picture in my head…but what if things go bad between he and I? Of course I would never introduce them to somebody at an early stage of a relationship, but when is the right time? When do you take that risk…
I am thankful that right now I don’t have to worry about it. My time is focused on my kids when I am with them, and the next few months are going to be busy finalizing the divorce and beginning the next chapter of my life.
The boys are STILL with me this week, and the upcoming weekend is my weekend, so at least another week with them!! I am so excited. We really are blessed.
I need to figure out a different child care situation though. My friend who has been MORE THAN generous with her time and home did not sign up for this. She thought a week…we are going on week three. My boss is out of town so it is difficult to take any time off of work. He is scheduled to be back today and I told her yesterday that I am going to request either Wed and Thursday or Friday off. I also have the weekend off (as it is my scheduled weekend to spend with the boys). Even if their dad is home this weekend, I need to keep my weekends as they are as a friend of mine and I have our kids on the same weekends so we can (if we wanted) do something together.