Ok..cheap may not be the best choice of words under the circumstances, maybe frugal suits the situation better. Whatever the word, how ever it reads…it’s not easy.
The boys are still with me. If you have kids, I hope you never have to experience the tragedy that is a five year old thinking he is not good enough for his own father. This came out of his little heart today. B2 is at the point where he is angry at his dad for not coming home and he is feeling not important enough for his dad to love.
I am no longer ‘covering’ for him. I am not bashing him…but he’s going to have to come out of this one all by himself. I said I don’t understand why dad is not coming home. I said it was ok that he was angry at his dad and that it would be okay if he told his dad that he needed him to come home, and that he was angry at him for staying away for so long.
Of course he will never share those feelings with his dad…he can’t take that risk. If he isn’t worth coming home for NOW, why would his dad come home if he was angry at him?
This has been coming to a head for B2 for the last week or so. He is pulling away from his dad and confused as hell. I can’t imagine a five year old trying to understand why daddy would be gone so long when “mom is not a good mom and can’t take care of you” (words they have heard from him).
I now have to take this week off from work. The Friend agreed to watch the boys for a week…she watched them FULL TIME for three weeks. I cannot even begin to pay for her services…and the children and I would have starved without it.
I have a tank full of gas, food on the table (even if it is mac and cheese, peanut butter sandwhiches, Ramen Noodles
Sorry…breaking this off because I’ve been interupted…life happens.