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Anxious

Signed some forms today that may (and should) change the future of my children in some fairly dramatic ways. I am terrified.

The boys have been with me now for 22 uninterupted days. They have not all been good days, and today is one of those where we are all struggling. My job is to teach them it’s okay to fall down, as long as you get back up. Today we are falling down, hopefully tomorrow will be our get back up day. We have plans for “Old Time Story Hour” at a local pioneer village. After that it is a trip to social services.

We are officially broke. I have been as frugal as I can be. Have squeezed everything I could out of every penny I made. I don’t know what social services can do at this time as far as help, but hopefully we get some relief.

Unfortunately the situation has exacerbated my depression. It has manifested itself today by not wanting to get out of bed, wanting to sleep the day away. This is a bad sign. This is usually one fo the initial signs of a complete break down. As you can imagine I can not afford a melt down at this time. This would be exactly what the ex would love to see.

I have struggled today even just getting a meal on the table…thankfully hot dogs, sandwhiches, and cereal are more than enough for a couple of boys who are less than inclined to eat a full meal.

When the ex gets the papers I am not exactly ssure how he is going to react, I just know it’s not going to be pretty, fun, or productive.

Forgive my silence if the posts are not as regular. After yesterday’s post of nothingness I will be more mindful of what I post and at least make sure it’s worth your time to read it.

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