Psalm 118:24 This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it.
As I sat and wallowed in my self pity this morning this verse came to mind…I love it when that happens. At the times when I am at my lowest, I am comforted by scripture.
This is going to be one of the hardest days I’ve had in a long time…and it is up to me to make the best of it. Mr. Ex is coming home today…my boys are leaving me.
I am so desperately sad for myself, so happy that they get to see their dad who they miss deeply. It has been 25 days for them. They are little boys who have spent their entire lives trying to please a man who has never put them first.
I am worried for their well being as their father will be extremely busy getting his mother settled in to her home and all of her medical equipment and supplies set up and coordinating her care. This will not leave much time for two very anxious boys who need his full attention and focus.
Part of me wants to offer to keep them here, to tell him that he can just take him when he has a few hours and then bring them back…this will make it easier on the boys and nice for me.
The rest of me knows that the boys are resilient. They will be bounced around several caregivers all weekend, and expected to sit still and be statues when they are with dad while he cares for grandma…this will not be easy on them.
I need to let this play out. We have court on Tuesday, the judge will HOPEFULLY see Mr. Ex for what he really is, a manipulative, sick, bitter man who is only concerned with putting a mark in the win column, not with what is best for two emotionally fragile children during the most difficult journey of their lives.
Until Tuesday I can get some hours in at work, I can maybe clean my apartment…HAHA just kidding…I’ll hire a maid. Yes…I hate cleaning that much, I will hire a maid to come in while I am at work to do laundry and clean the apartment…once a week…hope she irons!! Oh, who am I kidding, I am hoping SHE is a HE and that he’s as sexy as hell and takes sexual favors as payment…lol I don’t even care if he cleans…damn I’m funny.
I couldn’t do that anyway…The Friend would get jealous…the only man that cleans at her house is Friend’s Husband, and he always wants sexual favors…lol OMG this post has completely gone off track!
So, today my world changes, my babies leave. I have had the most wonderful 25 days teaching them about life, dishes, priorities, laundry, budgeting, fishing, cooking, and love.
Those lessons cannot be unlearned. They are safely ingrained…I did good…I know I did. When they come ‘home’ next weekend my life will be thiers again. I love them more than sand in my toes, wind in my hair, the sun on my face, all the diamonds, emeralds, and saphires in the world (ok…maybe not the diamonds).
We will go fishing, we will count their X-box fund (again) and we will have fun.
Thank you for your support as I get through this day…it’s not going to be an easy one, but it is exactly as God has planned it…I can choose to enjoy it or be miserable…I got this.