It’s been 28 hours since the boys left. It was so weird to watch the transition. B2 had actually gone outside to get something out of the van. As he walked outside I got a text, “We are outside” meaning Mr. Ex and grandma were here. I walked out with B1, my arm around his shoulders. B2 came back in to the hallway saying he saw Grandma’s car outside. Not one bit of excitement, not the, “MOM, DAD’S HERE!!!” I expected. So, we go outside and there is Dad…not even a little bit focused on the kids…he is around the car and getting meds ready to administer to his mother.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? You have not seen your children in TWENTY SIX DAYS and you cannot even focus TWO MINUTES on saying hello and giving hugs?? NOT ONE HUG…NOT ONE ounce of excitement…just a simple, “Get your things…but not all your things because we don’t have room for all your things and let’s go.”
I got the boys buckled in and B2 starts hugging me hard,
B2: I’ll miss you mom.
Me: I know hun, but you can call me later.
B2: Only if Dad lets me use his phone.
Me: I know hun, but you can text me too if you want.
B2: Oh ya, I forgot.
Me: Ok Bum, I love you more than Signing Time Videos
B2: I love you more than peanut butter and Nutella Sandwhiches
Being that he has lived on those for the previous two days I’d say he thinks pretty highly of me 🙂
B1’s conversation was much more telling of the relationship their father has damaged:
B1: See ya mom, we come back on Friday, right?
Me: Yes Buddy, and you can still call and stuff.
B1: What day is it today?
Me: It’s Friday.
B1: Dad, when we get home can I go visit Z (his friend) he should be at work with his mom until 6:30.
Dad: No, we are busy.
B1: Why can’t I go see Z if you are busy, then I can be not in your way.
Dad (now angry): I said no, end of story.
B1 *shrugs*: Love you mom, see you Friday.
I had a quick breakdown when they left and cried myself to sleep. I didn’t sleep long, but at least I slept. I felt a little better when I woke up. As tough as it was, the exchange was reassuring that Mr. Ex has not learned even a little bit how to deal with the boys. They will sense this. I know my boys will know my love for them…as I’ve said before, my actions outweigh his words.
It was only a couple of hours later I got a phone call:
B1: Hey Mom, are you busy?
Me: No, why? Are you guys coming back to town?
B1: No, Dad says he’s spent too much time in a vehicle today so he’s not going back there now. Can you bring me my DS?
Me: Your DS…you want me to drive to bring you your DS?
B1: Ya, I borrowed a game from T and want to play it.
Me: Why don’t you go play with Z or you’ve got the Wii, X-box, and PS2 to play there, you can live without this one DS game.
B1: Ya, okay. Bye Mom.
Me: Bye Buddy. Love you
B1: Me too.
When they left here initially, Mr. Ex had told them he needed to come back to town later in the day to do some things. They could get their bikes and the rest of their things. As is common…he didn’t follow through.
Within Two hours I started recieving texts from Mr. Ex’s phone: gesoshd;adfhadf shdfhadfuiladfdlfjkdfaduhf;
To which I replied, “Hi B2.”
This is how he texts me. We texted like this back and forth for a good ten minutes.
When I later told my friend about the text I said that was B2 texting me…he said, yep, I would have guessed the same thing.” (B2 always insists on sending him messages when we talk via Yahoo.)
These same texts started again at 8:24 am today. I actually fell asleep texting him…I didn’t sleep worth shit last night and was just falling to sleep when he started. I’m going to hate it when he learns to spell!! These texts are much too cute to grow out of.
At 11:30 Mr. Ex texted me saying he was on his way to town and could he stop to pick up the rest of the boys belongings. I told him I was not home and would be gone until after dark. I am tired of him thinking that everybody’s schedules run around his life. There is no reason he couldn’t have called and set up a time or asked if I was going to be around.
He then sent a text asking if B1’s bike was outside. I told him to ask B1 and that I didn’t think so. I haven’t heard anything since…I was sort of expecting a “are you home now, I see your van is in here.” I was going to tell him that I was out with a friend.
So…29 hours and I’m doing okay. My kids are awesome…they are strong, they seems to be fighting back…and expecting to be heard…WOO HOO.
Thank you to The Friend and Her Husband for both texting me within minutes of me posting that the boys were gone…and checking to make sure I was okay.
Thanks to the person I appologized to yesterday who sent me an email saying my appology was very touching (apparently he DOES read them). He’s amazing…one day I’ll tell you all about him. I couldn’t have a better friend right now to kick my ass and hold my hand (ya, he does both).
Today I caught up on some sleep and then paid bills and now am still just chilling…church tomorrow will bring me much comfort. It will be my step back into life. Until then I am honoring my heart, my grief.
Love you Bubba and Bum…see you on Friday XOXO