Home » Uncategorized » I Can’t Let Him Win

I Can’t Let Him Win

Today I’m at home…a much needed day off. I  tried doing some paperwork for the lawyer this morning (as a legal aid case he can only bill a maximum of 20 hours so I try to do as much of the leg work myself).

I have realized today that right now EH is ‘winning.’ This is eating me from the inside out. Knowing he is not properly caring for the kids and not being able to fix it over night is so difficult. I know my best approach is to let go and let God…I’ll have to work a little harder on this.

I go about half an hour through some paper work and curled up into the fetal and took a nap. Yep…I emotionally crashed. I realize that less and less I am enjoying my job (classic symptom), sleep is terrible, mood is crabby…and at the drop of a hat I dissolve into tears.

I have to get my act together…my boys are coming home tonight so EH can fly to Denver for the weekend.

Payday tomorrow…but it’s only going to be 39 hours (because of the time off I took when EH was gone) and I have bills to pay. I can’t even take my kids to the fair next week…I really don’t know how much more I can take. There is the ‘x-box fund’ but I already had to borrow from it today just to buy toilet paper. Yep…that made me cry too, even though I know I can pay it back tomorrow with payday.

I know this will pass…I just don’t know when. I have confidence in my brain that I will get through this…but my heart is hurting.

I don’t even want to post this because I don’t want Sparky or The Friend to worry…but I promised that this blog would be honest and raw…so here it is.

 

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