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They Made Me

I don’t understand people who blame their parents and how they were for the choices they make in their adult years. GIVE IT UP already. Who did have a childhood that was all puppies and butterflies? Sounds pretty boring to me.

My childhood made me the adult I have become, I am the parent I am  because of the things my parents did right AND the things they did  wrong…I am thankful for both aspects of my youth. I have no  regrets…the things in my childhood are not mine to regret, they are  only mine to embrace as part of what makes me who I am.

When my mom met my step-dad, I was not quite five. On the day of my fifth birthday we had gone to Leaf Rapids for the day; I’m  guessing it had something to do with the construction company he and his  brothers were co-owners of. Anyway, we spent all day in Leaf Rapids,  went back to our apartment, and STILL…no cake. The man who would  eventually walk me down the isle at my wedding was still there when mom  sent us three older kids kids to get jammies on. After getting ready for  bed, I went back out to the kitchen…and there was a chocolate cake. I was sure everybody forgot it was my birthday! This is still one of my favorite birthday memories, only to be topped by my thirtieth birthday, when I found I was pregnant with Bubba!!

I must say that my parents worked very hard to raise seven  children in a blended family. Looking back, knowing what I know now  about the difficulties of blending extended family, I do not know how my  mom did it. It must have been hard to watch one pair grandparents treat the  children as “sets.” I know it was hard from our point of view. I also know now that I am acutely sensitive to how the families on both side of this divorce treat my children.

I had so many opportunities growing up, several of which I blew…the Jasper and California band trips come to mind immediately as does the opportunity to mentor with the Winnipeg Symphony Orchestra. I also had many opportunities I embraced, babysitting a deaf child, volunteering to help take the Special Ed class swimming are two of my favorites.

This is how I got to where I am. I don’t hold blame against anybody for the ‘negatives’ in my life as they really aren’t negatives only opportunities for growth…well damnit somedays I wish I was done growing because if EVER I knew growth spurts were painful, it is now!

So, I move forward…one step at a time, one day at a time. Sometimes one minute at a time through the pain and anguish that is growth. 

My friends and family continue to lift me up when I fall down, my children are beams of light in a dark world, and I’ll be okay.

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