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More Change

This last couple of weeks have been extremely taxing. My divorce trial was postponed (for the second time), I quit my job (which I used to absolutely love), I attended Wildland Fire Fighter training (and although as fun as anything I’ve ever done it was physically tough work).

Just as things settled down The Boyfriend gives me the news he’s been holding on to for a week or so. His deployment has been extended by two months. At first I thought I was going to absolutely break down, then I just wanted to puke. A few conversations and a good night of sleep and I’m better.

He told me that he did not expect me to wait for him. Our relationship is new and he understands how hard this is. Immediately I told him things would be fine, I knew this was a possibility and that it changes nothing. The more I thought about his ‘offer’ it hurt my feelings. Does he think I am so shallow that an extension would send me running? I’m guessing he was only trying to save himself from being hurt by suggesting I don’t have to wait. I wonder if he’s just never had somebody tell him he’s worth the wait. I made sure I did.

The truth is, I enjoy waiting for him. I have comfort knowing I can bring him comfort during his deployment. It gives me a sense of value knowing after a long day of work I can make him smile. I can take his mind off the fact that he is 8000 miles from home.

The Lunch Lady and I have talked several times about how long the wait is and there are still so many variables. She and I joked that maybe now the divorce will be final before he comes home (although neither one of us are going to hold our breath). He could come home sooner, he could be extended again. It is what it is.

I told The Boyfriend that the length of his deployment didn’t change anything except our trip to Mexico…and gives me more time to save for it so we can go as soon as he gets home. It’s not all bad…sure it still has days where it’s not easy, but he’s worth it. As long as he wants me to, I’ll wait.

For now, I will focus on each day as it comes, and say a prayer for the safe return of him and all the men and women who are deployed. I will no longer try to count down the days because then I am focusing too far in the future. I need to focus on here and now while I look forward to the possibilities. He’ll be home before we know it and this will become a memory.

Take care Hun, we got this…

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