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Holding it Together

Well, I am trying my best to hold it all together. Some days are definitely more difficult than others lately.

The job as a personal care attendant didn’t come through due to the change in the custody arrangement and the mom’s upcoming school schedule. She needed one night per week overnight out of town and I can’t do that having the boys every other week. I keep telling myself, and everybody keeps reminding me that God must have something super special in line for me. My heart believes this to be true, my brain wants to know if God will be cutting a check for the rent on Sunday.

Of course I know He won’t be and right now I have no idea how the rent is going to be paid.I have not been this afraid or financially insecure since losing my boys in March.

I already am using a cell phone donated by the Battle Buddy that he has under contract but it wasn’t being used. Saves me $50/month. He has also offered to help with gas money if that becomes an issue as far as transporting the boys, no matter what, he says, I won’t miss out on time with the boys. He’s in no better shape than I am financially as far as disposable income, so his offer to help is touching.

When I quit my job in October, I had everything ‘figured out’ I knew I had enough to get me through until I could start at a new hotel being built in town. They are looking to start hiring mid December. I obviously didn’t count on the judge changing things the way he did, nor the extra that goes in to having the boys half time. At this time I have exactly $43 to my name and a jar of change that belongs to the boys (they have been saving all of our spare change since buying the x-box to buy a Kinnect to go with it). This is also their new game fund. I have no idea how much is in the jar, I’m guessing $20-30, enough for a few days of gas. it would absolutely break their hearts for me to dip in to this, but I may have no option. Thankfully we have money talks on a regular basis so they would come to understand, but it’s a hard lesson for any kid to have to deal with.

We get Food Stamp benefits so food is not a problem, but I have not paid the utilities now for the month and the past due notices are coming in. I know it won’t take long to get caught up when I do get back to work, but finding employment that works with the schedule of transporting the boys on the week that I have them at my house is not easy.

Thank you for your continued prayers and support, I couldn’t do this without it!


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