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The End

Not of me, not of my blog, and (unfortunately) not my damn divorce; nothing that significant. The Boyfriend and I have called it quits. I hadn’t said anything for a while about him because the communication has been significantly decreased this past few months and there’s really been no news/change, etc. I am glad this happened now and not a year or even ten years from now. I wished him well, told him that I hope he comes home safe, and we have gone our separate ways. I highly doubt there will be any further contact between us.

Although I am sad it is over, I have no regrets. I am thankful to him for his support while I was going through some of the most difficult periods this last summer. Just having him to talk to, to vent to was a big thing for me. He kept saying he didn’t do anything, just type words on a keyboard…sometimes that’s all it takes to get through today…words that encourage.

~~

Yesterday morning after taking the boys to school I was having a particularly difficult day and I went over to do my laundry at Battle Buddy’s place. While I was waiting for the last load to dry he came home from work to eat lunch. I wasn’t in much of a mood for chit chat and we are usually pretty good at reading each other that way. He offered to make me lunch, but I wasn’t very hungry. When I was taking the clothes out of the drier he came behind me and hugged me close for a long time then left and went back to work. I texted him a thanks for the hug and he said it looked like i needed one.

There is nothing so comforting as a hug from a friend. Somebody you trust, somebody who won’t hurt you emotionally, physically, spiritually. It is one of those actions that means more than words ever could.

Battle Buddy is a hugger too. Something to be said about a friendship when you can be standing there, after or in the middle of a serious talk and we can reach out and ‘fix it all’ with a hug. No words needed…the hug says it all. For me it says, “I heard you, I get it that this sucks ass, I can’t fix any of this for you, and I’m right here.”

This last Sunday at church Battle Buddy went up to B1 and whispered in his ear, “You are an awesomely amazing kid, do you know that?” Last week they had met when I made spaghetti sauce and offered some for him and his kids. He picked it up and he and B1 were talking. B1 loves when we serve other members of our church with meals and such so talked his ear off for the 60 seconds or so he was at our apartment. After he left B1 said, “Mom, I think Battle Buddy will be our real friend, not just our church friend.” LOL

Well, after Battle Buddy broke the ice on Sunday with B1 they started talking about ice fishing. My boys have never been ice fishing, this summer was the first time they’d ever been fishing at all. Well, now they have a date (the boys and Battle Buddy) to go fishing. It’s nice to have another friend on the side of my kids. Our social circle is growing, slowly but surely, and it’s a good thing.

My true friends have seen me through what has been the most difficult months of my adult life. Thanks…you all know who you are… Thank you for being my friend, for looking out for my kiddos, for asking the hard questions, for being there when I just didn’t want to be alone, for your house being a safe harbor for me and the kids.

~~

I won’t lie, I’m still struggling with the entire Christmas season right now. We still don’t have a tree, I have no presents, and currently no income to even think about getting any. I know it’s not about the gifts, or the tree; I just want to make some of those new memories with the boys. New traditions, new fun. Maybe part of our journey right now includes a completely scaled back holiday.

A lady from church offered me an extra artificial tree she has, but she lives out of town and wasn’t sure when she might be coming to town again. I am sure she will pull through, I am just trying to find my own Christmas spirit in some of the traditions I grew up with.

We’ve some a very long way in the last eight months. It is incredible to know where we were and where we are now. Even if the only gifts under the tree are handmade cards for each other…we’ll be just fine, I know it!! We can make ‘coupons’ for each other…I can only imagine the coupons the boys would make for me!!

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2 thoughts on “The End

  1. Hi. IDK, sounds like Battle Buddy might be just the support you need, and that you two do share a lot of common ground. Also seems to be looking to get close with your kids–always a plus. (BTW, I am a stepmom as well.:))

    Why not some good old fashioned paper chain decorations and simple homemade ornaments suspended from them? Dollar stores have glitter, craft sticks, glue–all the basics. You and the boys are about to start making your own memories, many of which you will look upon bitter sweetly, but fondly nonetheless. God never let’s anyone down. Do what you can to trust, even when it’s HARD.

    Hugs 🙂

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