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After Midnight

Night two of tossing and turning. I’ve tried breathing exercises, meditation, prayer, hot bath, warm milk…and still I can’t sleep.

Part of it is wanting this divorce finished, part of it is still not having a job, part of it is being over tired, and part of it is an ongoing spiritual battle I’m in the middle of.

I’ve reached out to a couple of groups at church and in both groups I am finding it difficult to express myself clearly to those who are not as strong in thier faith. A simple “give it to God” does more harm than good if they are not secure in His promises for them.

I also struggle listening to those who spout the ‘I’ve been good enough why do bad things happen to me’ party line. There are people who seem to be ‘doing the right thing’ only in hopes of bettering themselves. Are you kidding me?? You think deserve to be rewarded in this life (or the next) when your heart is not pure in its intentions?

Please don’t play the victim if things don’t go your way when your motives are less than thinly veiled in the first place. 

I know it’s not going to happen over night and some people may never have the relationship with God that I feel. I’m sorry for those people. They will never learn true love, true devotion, and peace of mind.

My struggle now is not regarding my relationship with the Lord, but about finding like-minded people to surround myself with.

I’m going back to bed, and will say a prayer for the hearts of the hurting that they will learn of the grace and promises  given to all of us.

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3 thoughts on “After Midnight

  1. Good morning, and hope you wound up getting some sleep.

    I really related to your post. Restless myself and awake on and off since 5. Praying for peace, God’s will and doing my best to hand Him the reins for situations over which I have no control. I get what you mean about trying to connect with like minded people. I too, find it very difficult to find others who truly understand where I am coming from.

    • I actually did sleep beret last night than the night before, thank you. I think I had been so focused on praying for myself that all it took was focusing on praying for others for a little while.

      Tonight I will remember to include others and hours that they also can find comfort in His word.

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