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I Won’t Lie

For the first time in a very long time, I am craving a drink. Yes, me…almost three years sober and although I want to go rent a movie I cannot trust myself to leave the house.

What a terrible feeling. I never had cravings in early recovery, I thought I was just lucky. Guess I was just built different. My cravings are now, when my addiction is cocky enough to try to tell my brain that just one won’t hurt anybody.

It would hurt somebody. The most important person it would potentially destroy is myself. I can already envision the beating I would psychologically heap on myself…it would be far from pretty.

I am paralyzed right now. I need to get through this minute and the next one. I’ve never liked the “one day at a time” song and dance. I need to get through this breath, the next breath…

Just pray…


7 thoughts on “I Won’t Lie

  1. Prayers, hugs and support coming your way, Deb. Hope you’re okay. Not sure if you’ve ever attended meetings, but they are reputed to be quite helpful. And I know there are plenty of blogs about staying sober–used to follow one I really liked. I’m going to look it up and post the link.

    • Thanks, and yes I’m okay. The meetings in this area are extremely negative. I’ve actually considered starting a Recovery Anon group for all types of addictions. I need to get back to public speaking…it have my recovery depth.

  2. You’re very welcome 🙂 Great idea to start a group yourself. A friend started a women’s Al-Anon very successfully near me. 20-30 women EVERY Saturday.

    What kind of public speaking have you done? How did you get started? That’s one of my goals this year, to get myself started in that realm. I have a few workshops done: two relative to writing, one related to school and one related to parenting.

  3. Cool. I used to lead an aerobics class. Being up there pumped me up more than anything. IDK, I find it very inspiring when God leads me to inspire.

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