I made it through last night without losing my mind and without drinking. I am 963 days sober. With the temperature being nearly -20*F it was easy to convince myself to stay home. As I have no alcohol in my house…problem avoided. Tonight I left the house…I had to. I knew it was in the best interest for me and eventually anybody else around me.
My depression is kicking in due to some drama I can’t seem to walk away from…but I am trying.
I need to get back to speaking. The gift I gave myself, and passed to others made my journey so much more meaningful. It kept me humble and excited about recovery and all it has to offer. I recently was asked to help out at a Celebrate Recovery group initially as an addition to their music team. After only a few meetings I am finding myself already in more of a leadership role and have been asked to consider this option. It is more of an ongoing study as opposed to a support group so I have mentioned starting a separate group for less study and more just support. When I was in Fargo I attended Recovery Anonymous which was for people with all sorts of addictions, not just alcohol. It was very much AA format, but more welcoming. Unfortunately the AA meetings I have attended in this town are far from productive and often filled with foul language and crosstalk. Not very effective.
I have a few other things I need to get done this week as well. I am buying myself some new shoes…the runners (or tennis shoes as I hear people here call them) are three years old. I deserve a new pair.
The boys are doing great with their operating budget. They chose to not spend any of it last week and just work towards their next goal of an NHL game in Minneapolis. They are about 10% done!! They are so awesome. B1 had some money from his birthday and a few other things and I took him to buy a new game for the x-box. He gets so much satisfaction out of being able to do these things. They sat down and figured out the price of what they wanted, negotiated the fact that it was rated M and I have never let them own a rated M game.
B1: Mom, can I buy Halo 3?
Mom: What’s it rated?
B1: M…I know Mom…let’s negotiate this please. (he knew I it was an automatic no with that rating).
Mom: I’m listening.
B1: We played it when the Milk Man was babysitting us last night. There isn’t hardly any blood and we don’t ever kill each other.
Mom: Guess I need to talk to the Milk Man (we had actually talked about it that morning when I picked them up).
B1: Just think about it mom, don’t just say no.
Mom: I am thinking about it…
The fact that it is robots they are after as opposed to other humans was a big thing for me. I don’t mind fantasy, I don’t like the realistic side of watching them get a thrill of killing each other and other people.
After taking him to buy it, I then sat and watched them play the game together and watched them work much more efficiently together than they do with Minecraft. I think they lose more x-box time over that game than any other!
I still haven’t heard anything about a court date for our divorce, and I just want it over… I want the security of finality.
I’ve been talking to the Seabee quite a bit again. He’s doing well in the big sandbox but anxious to come home. We have some great conversations and he helps me to sometimes see things from a perspective that I wouldn’t normally see.
The Lunch Lady and Milk Man are moving. I am devastated but will live…it’s going to be a great excuse for a road trip. I think they will be about a 15 hour drive away.
I went back to teaching Sunday School last week and am on the NextGen Think Tank to take our children and family ministry to new heights. Lots of intense work coming up but we have a great team to get it done.
I’m hanging in there. It’s not always easy, it’s always been worth it though.