I had a minor breakdown the other day. After visiting with my sister and her family for two days, the boys had two snow days from school and therefore I was blessed to spend an extra two days with them at my house. I love when I get extra days. Tuesday when I sent the boys to the bedroom to get dressed B1 was screwing around, B2 started crying…and I lost my temper.
I apologized, but that did not take away the hurt from B1’s heart…sticks and stones are nothing compared to the disappointment from a parent. I posted my disappointment at myself on Facebook and received much support. I was told to cut myself some slack, that perfect parents don’t (and shouldn’t) exist.
That’s when it hit me that I may be under just a little bit of stress. In the upcoming two weeks I have a meeting with the Unemployment office on Monday, divorce mediation on Tuesday, my fortieth birthday on Wednesday, and surgery the following Tuesday. The next day the youth Pastor saw me and said, “Did I see you have like a ton of major life events all going on at once?”
I guess I do; thankfully I have the ability to compartmentalize issues as individual issues and not that my entire universe is falling apart around me. Individually they will all happen, independent of each other and whether I like it or not.
I took a minute to go through each of the upcoming situations, make sure each one was being addressed appropriately, and moved on with my day. I can’t let the weight of the world squish me into the dirt. I don’t have time for that. I really am a lot stronger than I game myself credit for a year ago when I first moved out of the house and thought my world was ending. the only difference is that now I understand how strong I am, I understand that my ‘rock star’ status was well earned. I may not be a star, but definitely a rock.
The only way to remain a rock, and to not crumble is with the people I have surrounded myself with. I couldn’t do this without the people who make me feel normal to have so much going on. The Lunch Lady and the Milk Man, the Photographer, the Seabee, my baby sister, my mom…each of them has, in their own way, saved my life this last year. There are others who have helped along the way…too many to mention, and as I build my life on this new solid ground I have found the people I am surrounded by is still sorting itself out. I am finding my new friends, my new life. I am happy.
I’d appreciate prayers for a peaceful mediation session, and a successful surgery.