I was offered a surgery date for Monday, Nov 10. They called and I immediately panicked. I’m not ready for surgery, I’m not ready for this is be so invasive, I’m not ready for cancer.
I turned down the surgery date just because I want to get a second opinion at the Mayo. I am only 40 and want to make sure I do all of this right. I might just be uneasy because it’s cancer, and everything is moving so fast; I want to make sure I do everything in my power to get the best available treatment.
I’m mostly staying positive, the emotional exhaustion in the worst. How do I ask for help when really I have it pretty good already? I’m not working so I should have tons of time to deal with cancer, right? Sure…but time doesn’t pay the damn rent or put gas in the vehicle. It just gives me one more thing to worry about as I move forward and wonder how long I can drag this out for.
My friends are great…I couldn’t do this without them.