I Will Never Understand

The boys’ father is now complaining that I have enrolled B1 I the Little Brother/Little Sister program. Seriously…could you PLEASE get your own life and stay out of mine now that I have moved on with mine? He fought over hockey (and lost), now he’s trying to fight over this. Unfortunately he doesn’t seem to realize that THIS is a moot point. It in no way interferes with his parenting time and there is no cost involved that he would be responsible for splitting.

The following is the redacted response I sent to his whining email this morning:

After reading through and discussing with the LBLS coordinator, I enrolled (B1) in the program as a way for him to have an adult mentor who is able to spend dedicated time with him and give him time to explore what his independence and build his self-esteem. The mentor chosen for him works at (PERSEC).

 

A Big Brother is not in any way meant as a replacement parent. He is only a friend and mentor to the Little. (B1) will be able to spend time with his Big and do things that he might not otherwise have the opportunity to experience. There is no cost involved in this program. They will spend approximately two hours every other week together and build a relationship that is meant to be lifelong. As we figure out our schedules it is likely that he will have his time during the time when (B2) and I are at hockey practice. I feel this will give (B1) more of a sense of independence as well as to build his self-confidence.

 

The following is from the Little Brother/Little Sister brochure:

 

Youth mentoring exposes a Little (B1) to a positive role model. Mentoring can help focus on their future and on setting academic and career goals. Our mentors work to expose them to new experiences and people from a diverse cultural, socioeconomic, and professional background. The one on one environment provides Little’s with attention and a concerned friend to encourage emotional and social growth. Mentoring can foster increased confidence and self-esteem.

~~Pardon my language~~

Now go fuck yourself you piece of shit. You have never EVER tried to involve yourself in any of the children’s passions unless they align with your own. Now I have a ten year old boy who has no idea of himself. B1 NEEDS to find his own passion, not isolate himself because he doesn’t want to ‘put you out’ by needing a ride or any sort of compromise between the parents as he already understands that it will be me who will be the only one to go out of my way to make sure that he gets to participate because you refuse to budge on ANYTHING that is not your idea. He already sees that he and his little brother are nothing more than an inconvenience to you when it comes to activities. While they hate missing out with either of us, he already sees that I am more than willing to give up time, money, anything…for him and B2. How sad for him to already think he does not matter. Fuck you for making him feel this way. Fuck you

The fact that you feel threatened as a parent by a two hour commitment every other week…four hours a month…should be an eye opener. Of course it won’t be though because you cannot see past your own insecurities and hang-ups to provide a childhood for these boys.

I will continue to fight for my boys and their future. You were the one who wanted a divorce, you were the one who wanted to split up our family. THEY shouldn’t have to suffer, their future shouldn’t have to be shaped by your inability to move on.

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What Would YOU Do?

It’s one of those days where I feel like I cannot take anymore…I know that’s a lie and that I can take much more…but today I just want to sit down and cry. I’m tired.

The scheduling conference on January 24 produced ZERO results. There is another scheduling conference now for February 25…PLEASE LORD, set a trial date and let’s get this over with. I just want my kids in ONE HOME…this is bull. They didn’t ask for this, I didn’t ask for this…why are we the ones paying the price??

Yesterday for Valentine’s Day the boys and I dressed up and went to the one ‘fancy’ restaurant in town for supper. They were both in three piece suits and I was in a skirt. They behaved so perfectly that I could not wipe the smile off my face for anything!! Both boys decided to order off the children’s menu (their first time at a ‘real’ restaurant, I was not surprised). I ordered a top sirloin, medium rare…mmmm.

B1 asked for a bite of my steak and I cut him a small piece. He was in instant heaven and asked me to switch meals with him. Yep…I ate chicken strips for my Valentine’s meal!! (yuck) He let me eat my baked potato though as well as a few bites of the steak! LOL We even opted for dessert. B2 was not interested in anything so B1 and I both ordered cheesecake (his was with raspberry topping, mine with caramel). It was amazing.

During supper we talked about when we could return, it was a huge budget stretch for me to do this, and I said that we could return for special occasions and my birthday would be a great time (this gives me until April to come up with enough money to do it again). B1 has already decided he’s going for the steak next time. At least I won’t have to share mine!!

So back to what has me on edge today. On the weeks that the boys are in my care, their father has not once come to watch them bowl on Saturday mornings. He says that he is scheduled to work every Saturday that he does not have them. I was upset in December when he didn’t take the day off to bowl in the parent/child bowling day, and asked the battle buddy to stand in for B1. This led to their dad being a complete dick to me because ‘some stranger’ was bowling with HIS son. I said he needed an adult, Battle Buddy was available, no big deal. Yesterday (Friday) the boys wanted to stop at dad’s work before we left town to say goodbye. I try to not do this often, but I didn’t want to ruffle any feathers yesterday before our date. As they are talking, he mentions that he is going to Minneapolis today for what he refers to as, “His business.” He is part of a pyramid scheme, which has yet to yield so much as a penny but has cost him plenty so far. So, he can take off a half day from work (they are only open until noon on Saturday) to spend even more money on a making other people rich, but he cannot take a half day to spend some quality time with his kids?? REALLY?

B1 had begun to throw a little fit before we left dad’s work yesterday and so today I asked him if he was upset about his dad going to Minneapolis without him. “No Mom, this makes him money.” WTF??? Are you kidding me?? I told him that dad has not made any money off of what he calls a business. B1 begins to argue that dad’s business is how they went to Wisconsin Dells last fall. The trip package (two nights of hotel) was bought through the company at supposed a great discount…They drove ALL DAY (TEN HOURS) to get there, spent one day enjoying a water-park, and then the entire third day driving home…if he would have saved the $800/year he pays as a membership fee to this ‘company’ they could have spent a few more days and really enjoyed themselves.

So B1 has this hero complex with dad and I am just the bitch who makes them do homework and chores. He even bought them a dog two weeks ago…yep, a damn dog. For years I wanted a dog but was told that there was no way he would ever own a dog in town (even though we live in an extremely small town and our yard is nearly a full acre). So what does he do the minute the boys start showing a preference for Mom’s house??? Gets them a puppy. B1 had been asking him to bring him to town on his weekends so they could attend church where we go. Two weeks later…BAM…new puppy, that will shut him up for a bit. Hmmm, what else can I get him to ask his dad for?? lol

It won’t be long until that loses it’s fun when they are stepping in poop and cleaning up the yard. I don’t give the dog a year and it will ‘go missing’ like our two cats did back in 2008. And they were good cats…he just decided that he didn’t want them, anymore and took them out on a weekend when it was -40F and left them in the middle of nowhere.

~~

According to the current court papers, if there is no school on a Monday, the parent who is to begin their parenting time is to pick them up at 8am at the other parent’s home. Every Monday that the boys have off this since this started has been his week to pick them up. Until now I have always kept them for that Monday and just taken them to school on Tuesday morning. On President’s Day they do not have school and I had already decided that I was making him come and get them. He asked my Friday if I was just keeping them Monday and I said I couldn’t. So them he asks if he can pick them up on Sunday so that he is not late for work Monday morning. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? I can’t get a job because I have to transport them to and from school (90 miles of driving on the days that I transport) and you can’t be 30 minutes late for work? YOU wanted this divorce, YOU wanted to fight through every step of the way…YOU give an inch already. I’m not giving up a night of MY parenting time to help his ass. He can take time off or be late for work for a million other reasons, but not this one?? UGH.

So…then I wonder if I’m just being spiteful. If I am, is that okay? Should I be expected to just suck it up YET AGAIN so as to not inconvenience him? I don’t see a harm/benefit factor as far as the kids are concerned on this one (how I usually make my decisions).

I hate than my brain is lost in this decision today. I know the Bible says “…worry about nothing and pray about everything…” Philippians 4:6 I just don’t hear a response.

Lord, help me hear your answer to this. Amen

First Goal

The boys have reached the first goal with their operating budget. Saturday after bowling we are going to spend the day at the indoor water park at a local hotel. I am so proud of them for negotiating this first goal. They were torn between an afternoon at the movies or the day at the water park. They must have discussed it for a good twenty minutes. They asked questions about payments and timing and  the parenting schedule before making the final call. 

They have to pay for their wristbands and if they want to play at the arcade. I will feed them lunch before we go and depending how late we stay I will either buy supper there our we will eat when we get home. I’m thinking five hours may be enough…but you never know with these two.