Monday after the boys went home I was fine until later in the evening. I had spent the day doing laundry, dishes, cleaning, and then I made their beds…HUGE mistake. That did it for me, I was a mess. I even posted on my Facebook status, “And then it hits you.” Of course I got all the regular smart-ass comments from friends and family about ducking, or opening my eyes when I play catch…and I said nope, just made the boys beds, beds that won’t be slept in for a week. The next day, my mom (ever the comedienne and best support person in the world) said that a month ago I wasn’t guaranteed a week at a time, only a few days…damn her. Why is she always right? So I replied back to that *insert sarcastic teenager tone* NO MOM…it just taught me not to make their damn beds.
I talked to the Lunch Lady a bit about the feelings and the Battle Buddy. They were both very encouraging and helpful. It feels as though this is a step to full custody, I just can’t allow my heart to get my hopes up that high. I will take this as it comes.
Unfortunately there has been a disappointment with the new job I was to start. Due to the new parenting time schedule, I am no longer a good fit as she was requiring one over night each week out of town for classes she is taking starting in January…when it rains, right?
So now, I am broke, out of work, and the boys come next week and I have to transport them back and forth to school and it is B2’s birthday on Monday, B1’s is three weeks later. Then, of course, there is Christmas coming and we don’t have so much as a tree. Yes, I’m well aware that it is the experiences that matter, not the material aspects, but the material aspects help build the traditions and memories (such as trimming the tree).
I filed some papers with social services today to see what programs are available to help in my current situation. I am considering calling my boss at the hotel to get back on a few days per week…it is better than nothing.
My Battle Buddy was extremely blessed. He found out of his ex-wife’s infidelity/pregnancy only 8 weeks ago. Their divorce was final on Tuesday. He had his lawyer draw up some papers (VERY much in his favor) and without even hardly looking them over, she signed them. He has custody, and she gets them every other weekend. All the credit cards that were in her name are her responsibility, all the ones in his are for him to worry about, he gets the house, they each get one vehicle, and she will pay him support. Earlier in the day he asked if I’d be willing to go for a long drive after court. I said I’d be around if he needed a shoulder/friend/ear. He stopped over after court and after asking if my vehicle was good on the road said, “Let’s go.” Before I could tell him I had no gas, he offered to put gas in if we could take my vehicle because his car had a tire go bad.
We ended up driving for over an hour and then stopped for something to eat. While at supper we talked about the early years of both of our marriages, our kids, our goals for the next year, hindsight, etc. Then he said, “Let’s go, I have an idea.” I told him he was pretty pushy…he reminded me he had the keys (I let him drive because I didn’t know where he wanted to drive). We went and watched Last Vegas with Michael Douglas, Kevin Kline, Morgan Freeman, and Danny Devito. He said we both needed a giggle after such a serious talk at supper. I haven’t had that much fun in a long time.
It’s comforting to have somebody figuring out some of the same stuff during the same time. Glad we met up when we did. He has a sick and twisted sense of humor and the Lunch Lady, Milk Man, and Peaches* thinks he will be a great addition to our madness. I tried to warn him. I told him that he and the Milk Man, and Soldier Boy (Peaches Hubby) can stay home with the kids…13 of them I think if we put them all together; never mind, I’d go to bingo with the girls too!!
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about ‘fair and equitable distribution’ as far as my divorce goes. That is the preferred language of the court. What I wonder is what is fair, what is equitable in my case? There is nearly $70k equity in the house he is living in, he got all the household goods and furnishings, I got nothing. I will work on it more as things progress.
So a few things to figure out, a few avenues to travel, more to explore.
*Peaches got her name because she was wearing some peach scented body spray or lotion…(or something, I am too traumatized to remember right now) and she grabbed my hand and rubbed it between her breasts AT THE BAR that night we were out and said, “Smell that, don’t you just love it?”
Welcome to the blog Peaches…now that you have a confirmed name, you’ll be here a lot!! LOL